Soulless Monster
by Angel Sacrifice
Summary: If you like Spike as the helpful/helpless/hopeless tame demon, then you'll probably dislike this fic. Spike/Buffy moments (but to be honest, S/B shippers will hate this) also Spike/Drusilla, because that's what I personally like better :)
1. Part 1

Authors Note: I'm not trying to lie to anyone here. If you like Spike as the helpful/helpless/hopeless tame demon, then you'll probably dislike this fic. Spike/Buffy moments (but to be honest, S/B shippers will hate this) also Spike/Drusilla, because that's what I personally like better :)  
  
Disclaimer: I dont own them, they belong to Joss Whedon. However I think I might DESERVE to own them after what that cruel cruel man has done to them. Still, thats just opinion...  
  
Soulless Monster  
  
I'm lying in her bed, and it's what I've wanted for so long, but actually having it seems cheap. This was the sex I hungered for night and day, this was the sex I couldn't stop thinking about, the face and body lodged in my mind eternally. Because she was the Slayer, and I had to have her. One way or the other she was going to be mine, submit to me, I would *take* her. It should have felt better.  
  
Not that she's bad in bed. She's good, or at least, she's alright. I did sleep with her, and it was completely distanced from everything we've been through. I was gentle with her - I couldn't be anything else, I think splitting pain through my skull might have spoilt the mood - and in return, she was gentle as well. A warm, soft body, all mine to taste, touch, enjoy. The physical pleasure wasn't absent, but everything else was. She's not meant to be so sweet to me. The cold glances of fury she once gave me, now they were beautiful. The way she looked at me just then told me they were gone forever.  
  
I know her scent better than the back of my sodding hand, and it's been all I've wanted for the last few months. The sweet scent of a young human girl to start with, and then perfume, deodorant, cosmetics, bleach (yeah, I know, I'm a fine one to talk), and on top of that there's something else. Lets not beat around the bush here, I know full well what I smell on her is death. The dust of my own kind. But it's something so uniquely *Buffy* that the details never bothered me. To breathe her in was heaven to me. Now it's tired. Stale. I've taken her, and she's still alive. The scent seems nauseating, and it's all over me, on every inch of skin on my body. My corpse. My corpse that should never *ever* have been in her bed. Why did she give in? Surely she didn't just start feeling attracted to me - it would never have happened, or she'd never have admitted it. Maybe she was just lonely? I smirk a little, knowing this is pretty likely. I wonder who she was thinking of? Not me, she can't be that tender with me. Maybe Riley, or some other all American tanned, muscular bloke she knows. Or maybe... and it takes an effort to suppress my laughter here... maybe Angel. It would make sense, after all, she never really got over him. And my body must be about the right temperature to fit the memories. I sigh, and then get up, pulling my jeans on. She's still asleep, and I want to go for a fag. My mouth tastes of *her*. It's like venom.  
  
The sun will be coming up soon. And I'll have to go back inside, and lie in her bed in the mess we've created. All the wrong sort of mess. I've taken her, she shouldn't be like this. She shouldn't be warm and alive and breathing, she should be a drained, white, cold corpse on blood stained sheets. She should be bloody *dead* by now, but she's not. That's the sickening part, the lack of satisfaction. I want to kill her, thats all I want, I want to tear her heart from her body, and suck on it until its just a dry husk of skin. But I can't. I physically *can't*. Ok, so this has to end here, today. I don't want her to see the light of the next morning. I most certainly do *not* want a relationship. But as usual, I can't kill her, and I have to either leave now or I'll stay here and be stuck in her life in a way I couldn't stand now. Sex changes things, I realise. Or at least it does between two mortal enemies. Why the hell did I think this was what I wanted anyway? I put on the rest of my clothes and walk silently downstairs and out of the house. Then I walk quickly, to make it back to the crypt before sunrise.  
  
Cold in the crypt, compared to the dangerously rising heat of outside. Sunrise, sunrise, it was all I could think of when running back here, how bloody close it was... and I would never have risked my life like that if the only alternative hadn't been waking up... Next. To. Her. Buffy, the vampire slayer, also known as murderer of my kind. My loathing and obsession personified, except now she was less of a goddess to me. No, forget that. She was *not* a goddess to me, she was not even a very attractive young woman, she was the Slayer, the killer, the horror we have to face every waking night. The intimacy destroyed my image of her. She is nothing but sickness to me. I close my eyes, and lay my head back upon the cool granite. Day is dawning, and I need to sleep.  
  
"Spike." A voice is saying my name. It has to be about 1pm for gods sakes, who on earth...?  
  
"Hmm?" I get out.  
  
"It's me, Buffy." She puts her arm around my shoulders. Stupid dreams. I don't want them anymore, they've lost their edge. The Slayer can go live in Timbuctoo for all I care. Stop the dreams, please.  
  
"Buffy." I say her name clearly, looking into the distance as if I'm thinking profoundly. Really though, I'm trying to remember exactly how this all happened. One thing, I'm putting the lil' bit up in bed for the night, then I'm in the kitchen annoyed at how there isn't any blood, then she's in the living room crying about her trauma... and I comfort her with a kiss. Fuck. "This isn't right, Buffy."  
  
"Don't be like that," she smiles into my eyes, with a face like sunshine. I bloody hate sunshine, you know. "I know you've wanted this, for longer than I have. Now you have me. I want to be with you Spike."  
  
"And I would like nothing better than... " I growl at the ceiling of this wretched crypt. "Sod it, I want to sleep, it's too early for me."  
  
"Oh, well, you know. That's ok. You're a vampire, you should sleep through the day." She sounds upset, but I'm too tired to laugh right now. "I'll come back later."  
  
"Great." I close my eyes again. Fucking luckless existence. 


	2. Part 2

Authors Note: I'm not trying to lie to anyone here. If you like Spike as the helpful/helpless/hopeless tame demon, then you'll probably dislike this fic. Spike/Buffy moments (but to be honest, S/B shippers will hate this) also Spike/Drusilla, because that's what I personally like better :)  
  
Disclaimer: I dont own them, they belong to Joss Whedon. However I think I might DESERVE to own them after what that cruel cruel man has done to them. Still, thats just opinion...  
  
Soulless Monster  
  
What the hell is wrong with me? It's later in the afternoon now. I *should* be sleeping in her damn bed, not this dank cold crypt on a bloody stone slab. What am I so sick with? Her. I've always been sick of her, especially since I started to have feelings for her. I wanted, I persisted, I got. Now if I could just be happy with it... but I can't. The object of my obsession has me in her grasp. If I escape it, she'll stake me. I wanted her so much, for so long. Risked death countless times, lost all semblance of dignity, and convinced myself that she was the one for me. When really it was just the combination of wanting a kill I couldn't have, and the feelings that were buried inside of me for someone else. Feelings are powerful things though. When Drusilla came back, I wouldn't let her kill Buffy because they way they both made me feel, made me suffer, was almost identical. And it was Drusilla's fault, for leaving me and betraying me to begin with. None of this would have happened if she hadn't gone. So I tried to get even, and even thought I could bring myself to stake her, but it didn't work. She left - Again. And I would have dearly *loved* to have killed Buffy then, I had the shotgun ready and everything, but I couldn't do it. She was the only memory of Dru I had left, because of the pain she put me through no less. I sat with her. A strange notion came to me, that I could channel my love to Drusilla through her. She died, and I thought I'd lost everything. She came back, and we grew just ever so slightly closer. Now that I've made love to her my illusions are gone. I can't love her, I can't want her in any other way than a vampire wants the Slayer. I want her blood on my lips and inside of me, but I do not want her love. This is why I have not returned to her home. I sigh again, loudly. Yes, but what else to I have? I have nothing but her. She might not be the one I love, but she's something, better than nothing. Nothing tends to get boring after a short while.  
  
It's dark, I'm outside of her house. I don't need to be invited, so I walk straight in. She's in the kitchen with Dawn. Dawn always looks at me with this wonder, admiration, and it used to drive Buffy right round the bend. She knows we've been together. And I know that out of all of Buffy's blokes, she approves of me the most, which is strange. Then again, Sunnydale is a strange place, and Dawn's not exactly the most normal of all girls either. Besides, when you've been with Riley Finn, anyone looks like the better option.  
  
"How are my girls tonight then?" I ask, and Buffy smiles warmly at me. That look of infatuation, which has lasted two days, and I'm already sick of it. No wonder she hated *me* so much.  
  
"Just passing the time, helping Dawn with some homework." Buffy replied, the look not fading even a glimmer.  
  
"Or talking about you, constantly." Dawn added. "All about how much you've changed, and how cute you are, and how she feels bad about how she had to die before she could admit-"  
  
"Dawn!" she exclaims, sounding every inch the high school student she was when I met her. "Shut up, and go somewhere else." She pouts at the two of us. I give her a friendly smile, still having some respect for the little kid.  
  
"Go on Niblet, give us a bit of alone time, right?" She nods and winks slyly, causing Buffy to blush.  
  
"Gotcha." Then she's gone. I put my arm around Buffy's waist, and start kissing her mouth. Closing my eyes doesn't mean I can imagine it's somebody else though, that only works for humans. My sense of smell and taste know it's her from half a mile off. And the one I would like to think of also feels a lot different to touch. Still, I can blank my mind, enjoy this in the same way I did with Harmony, and I really don't care if she's in love with me. I'm tired of caring what she thinks.  
  
She goes out to patrol, and I decide not to bother going back to my crypt. There's a tv downstairs and probably something on I can watch to kill the time. I spark up, and ignore the kid sneaking around upstairs. Probably going through her sister's weapons again, is my guess. That one can't wait to be a part of the gang. Then I hear footsteps outside the front door, heavy, demonic footsteps. So things are about to get interesting after all. Brilliant. I pick up an axe that's been shoved under the sofa, and open the door as soon as I hear the first knock. It's a demon I recognise so well that I damn well nearly cut his head of right there and then. A chaos demon.  
  
"Where is she?" he sounds pathetic, lost, in love. A lot like I feel. "I know she still loves you. She ran back to you, didn't she? After all she said about it being finished between you." He looks up, and I know he's seeing the little girl at the top of the stairs.  
  
"Dru's not here." I tell him simply, and without looking around, "Dawn, go back to sleep."  
  
"But I..."  
  
"Now."  
  
"I didn't think vampires could have children in the usual sense." The demon says, confused. "Who's little girl is she?"  
  
"She's the Slayer's." I smirk. "This is her home. Don't ask how I ended up here, it's a long story, and it involves me losing the same woman you did." He gives me a sympathetic look, and holds out an only slightly slimy hand. I shake it.  
  
"Eritos." he introduces himself. I still hate him.  
  
"Spike." I reply, a cordial smile on my face.  
  
"Look, can I ask a personal question?" he asks. No, but I'm sure you will anyway. "Is this something to do with the..." he whispers "Initiative?"  
  
"Yes!" I exclaim, shocked. He didn't look that intelligent, that's for certain.  
  
"Oh right, well the same thing happened to a few of my friends from around here, they got computer chips in their brains and either starved or ended up helping out mortals in secret." I nod impatiently. "Basically, what I'm saying is, I know a guy who can help." Ahhh, *now* we're getting somewhere.  
  
"Seriously?" I ask, still a little skeptical.  
  
"Sure," he replies. "It's the least I can do, helping you stops you from killing more of my friends. Any real demon would do the same."  
  
"Lead the way then, mate." I pull him out of the door, grabbing my coat. "I owe you one." 


	3. Part 3

He takes me into a shady looking bar, and I'm immediately suspicious. Why would he want to help me out like this anyway? I'm his competition... well, thats laughable really, as if Dru would really choose him over me. But that's how he sees it. Oh Christ, I'm an idiot. He walks on ahead, and I hear footsteps behind me. Immediately I whirl round, game-faced. Behind me stands a terrified looking young man, who I can tell is partly demon but I don't know off hand what type.  
  
"Who are you?" I ask him, not letting up on my threatening stance.  
  
"I'm... I'm just Greg, I work here. I bring in the equipment, see?" He holds out some small sharp looking implements. I blink, it's hardly weaponry. Maybe the guys were telling the truth?  
  
"Hey, Greg." says Eritos behind me. "Got the equipment?"  
  
"Sure," Greg replies, seeming less nervous.  
  
"Ok, Spike, just lie down, I'll get Tylirk through. Don't worry, he is a trained physician. But before we begin, I'm doing you a favour here, aren't I?"  
  
"Too bloody right you are." Although I still have no idea why.  
  
"Well then, I might ask a favour in return, you ok with that?" I want to laugh, of course he'd want *something* from me. Maybe killing the Slayer, which I plan to do anyway. Or maybe torturing an enemy of his for a few hours while he catches a film. Not really a problem.  
  
"Anything. Just get this chip out."  
  
No anaesthetic at all this time, and it really does hurt like hell. But I know a bit about pain, I had to put up with Angelus for the best part of a century. This felt like something he might have done to pass the time on a rainy night. It isn't unbearable, not when you think about what you're getting at the end of it. And it's a damn sight better than being put to sleep for an hour by a bunch of blokes with pointy things that you don't trust. Fortunately, once you get inside, there aren't any nerves to speak of in the brain itself, but still, what would it have cost them for a little local anaesthetic?  
  
Then suddenly I snap my eyes open. Bloody hell, so I did pass out. And the only thought pressing on my somewhat violated mind is "is it out?"  
  
"Well?" I turn to Eritos and the scaled doctor Tylirk. They grin, and Tylirk shakes me vigorously by the hand. Yeah, I'll take that as a good sign then.  
  
"The operation was a complete success, we have your chip here." He tells me, grinning. I look closely at the little piece of metal. Well, at least it's not a cent this time.  
  
"Is it still dark out?" I ask the chaos demon, who nods in reply. "Good, then I'm going out for a kill. Eritos, you come with me, we've got some catching up to do."  
  
"We do." This means he'll be conveniently there within slaughtering distance if I find out I've been cheated.  
  
It's a bloody miracle. Noone can overestimate the absolute joy of killing and feeding, especially when you've not done it in so long. Bones breaking like brittle twigs between your fingers, the screams and whimpers of mortal terror, the sweating, trembling body in your arms and of course, the blood, flowing thick and fast into your stomach. It's what my body's ached for, all the time that my chip was stuck there, it's pure and wonderful and *right*. All I want to say is: don't ever take killing for granted. Enjoy it, because what happened to me could happen to anyone.  
  
"Now, about our deal…" Eritos approaches me as I finish off sucking out the last of the girl's blood and lick my lips.  
  
"Right, you want help with something, fine. Who'd you need killed? Just tell me, I'll do it, and then we're squared." He shakes his head, amused.  
  
"No need to be so unenthusiastic, Spike, this is someone you'll be glad to kill." He grins. Chaos demon grins are frightening things.  
  
"The Slayer? Bloody right I'm gonna kill her. It's been too long since my last one, that was back in the 70's."  
  
"Not the Slayer. The one who wronged us both – Drusilla."  
  
Well, it's a great plan is all I can say. Girl wrongs you, you kill her, you move on with your life, problem solved. Except… you don't just kill your Sire like that. She brought me into darkness, we had it perfect together for so long, she was my reason for being. And she turned her back on all that, betrayed me for what? This slimy wanker? Anger jolts through me. Yes, forget about the details, my demon wants revenge and it's bloody getting it. Death is the answer.  
  
"Let me stop off by my bit for a weapon, then we can go hunting after Dru, wherever she is."  
  
"No hunting necessary, I have the address. I sent Setorith to seek her out while you were being operated on."  
  
"Brilliant work, mate." I tell him, feeling a thrill run through me. Look out Dru, your Spike's coming for you…  
  
The walk is pretty long, and not made any shorter by Eritos' constant prattle about how every woman in his life has treated him. I wonder if I ever sounded this pathetic? Probably, yes. I was domesticated after all, wasn't I? The tame demon, chained up in the sodding watcher's bath. And desperately in love with the Slayer, although gods know I knew how wrong that one was. And lets not forget Harmony, the idiot that she was. She gave herself away to me so easily. I know it's not exactly as if she could get pregnant or a disease from sex, but still, you don't *do* things like that. If you have sex the first time you meet, where's the anticipation? The build up? It was a good few months before Dru let me into her bed, and I was her childe. But it was very much worth waiting for. Noone respected Harmony less than me. Then again, noone respected me at *all*. Well that is going to change.  
  
I knock loudly on the door, and listen. A few light footsteps, and then nothing. Eritos growls. I knock again, and shout to her.  
  
"Drusilla! Open the door! Please!" Again, footsteps, hastier this time. The door opens, and we storm in, nearly knocking her over.  
  
"You're looking well, love." I tell her flippantly, but as always, it's true, she's impeccably beautiful. I've never known her to be anything else.  
  
"Spike, you came back. Has that Slayer died? Has she hurt you again?" She looks to the demon beside me. "And Eritos, I don't need you any more. I can't love you. But Spike…" I lift the axe, and she's silent immediately, eyes flickering with fright – and excitement? That makes me a little unnerved.  
  
"Drusilla," said Eritos, "you betrayed us both. Spike's lost his chip now, thanks to me, and he agreed to help me kill you. Because you *wronged* him Drusilla, you wronged us both." She narrows her eyes and I step towards her, hands clenched so hard upon the axe that my knuckles are whiter than the rest of my skin.  
  
"You wronged me, Dru." I echo the chaos demon's words. "And as a demon, obviously I'm going to want revenge." A pause, and Eritos steps forwards to hold her wrist and ensure she doesn't escape. "But," I continue, "you're also my Sire, and that gives you the right… and I love you."  
  
"But she –" Eritos' protesting is cut off, as I swing the axe, and with one powerful swipe, decapitate him. Viciously, I stamp my foot on his antlers, breaking them off. Then I turn back to Dru. The axe drops from my hand and clatters to the floor by my feet. She kisses me, on both cheeks, my forehead, and gently on my mouth. I love her more than ever. I take her hands, and lead her out of the door and away from Eritos. She shouldn't have to look at that *thing*. She should never have felt the need to lower herself to his level.  
  
"I knew you would come back for me, William." She whispers in my ear. Funny how anyone else who called me that would be gutted and strung from the rafters, but with her, it gives me shivers.  
  
"I always will, love, you know that." I reply, and our cold fingers intertwine.  
  
"You have been close to the Slayer." She murmurs in that heartbreakingly fragile voice. "She took you into her bed." Oh it hurts, why does she always have to know everything, see everything, when it hurts her so?  
  
"Dru, she means nothing to me. You are everything. I see her for what she is now, love, don't be upset, please. I can't bear it."  
  
"I know." She stares at me in lustful wonder. "You do not love her. The sickness is gone from your heart." I hold her, arms around her waist, and we stop walking. The street is lit only dimly from a streetlight a few streets away, as we embrace each other. I realise that I've missed her more than my freedom, more than my self-respect, more than the killing, even more than the blood. She is more important than anything.  
  
I knock on the Summers' door, the secret knock I use to identify myself these days. "Come in!" shouts Dawn, from the living room. Drusilla and I walk in.  
  
"Can I have the little girl?" Dru asks. "I sense prophesy, destiny, apocalypse within her veins." Well, noone ever said she wasn't perceptive. I nod, and kiss her forehead.  
  
"Of course. But the slayer is mine. To kill." It hurts that I feel I have to add that last detail. Never again.  
  
"She is weakened by love for you. You shall take her, my beloved."  
  
"Spike? Who are you talking to?" Dawn asks, walking into the hallway where we are. Drusilla steps towards her.  
  
"Dawn," I saw with a smile, "meet Drusilla."  
  
Buffy is in her room, putting her hair up in a band. I walk in silently, making no reflection in the mirror as I stand behind her.  
  
"So this is how easy it is to sneak up on you these days?" I ask, seeing her jump in shock. She turns around.  
  
"Spike." She says, sounding a little bit angry. She'd be more so if she knew what was going on downstairs.  
  
"Slayer." I growl into her ear, as I pull her close to me. Her body wants me, I can tell, and it's probably got something to do with that death-wish buried inside of her. Well, now is her time, for better or for worse. Tonight it was for real. "I want to tear you apart."  
  
"I…" she doesn't know how to react. Well she should, she's probably heard it several times before. She's even heard it from people she loved before, I mean, take Angelus for example, "you… you can't."  
  
"I can." I tell her. "And I would love to tear out your throat, right here, baby." She's trembling. God, she actually looks scared now. It's beautiful. It's so much more than I'd hoped for.  
  
"But, no, you can't, Spike!" she's stepping backwards, away from me. I can see the tears gathering in her eyes. "The chip. Remember?"  
  
"Yeah, I remember." I grin, and hold it out. "You like it so much, it's yours."  
  
"Oh… my god." She swallows the lump in her throat. "But I know you wouldn't kill me Spike, you… felt something for me."  
  
"I *felt* something for you, past tense." I inform her. "But I'm a vampire, and you're the Slayer. So one of us has to die to solve this equation." I launch myself at her. The fight isn't nearly as intense as it once was, because she truly is succumbing to her death-wish. She buckles under me, and I rip into the skin on her neck, her tears and blood filling my mouth in such a sweet mixture. I drop the body, and go downstairs to meet Drusilla. The night is young, and we can leave these to be found by the Scooby brats. We might stick around a little bit longer, but not long. I think we've both had enough of Sunnydale. 


End file.
